When it comes to the similarities between listening and hearing, the only one is you use your ears for both. After that, they’re very different.

– Melissa Shaw, Network World

As the mother of two “tween” girls, I can assure you that there is a huge divide between “hearing” and “listening” taking place in my house. As a parent, this leads to one of my greatest frustrations: I know my children hear me when I tell them to turn off the TV, brush their teeth, put their shoes on, go to bed, etc.  … but they just don’t listen. Until I start shouting … Are your clients shouting at you? Are you listening?? Lindsay Griffiths discusses this in her post  Is Anyone Listening?

Do we bother our clients or potential clients with information that they’ve asked not to receive? Do we help them when they need it and let them be when they want some solitude? What is our customer service experience really like for them – are we overbearing, like these store owners? Or are we facilitators, business partners, trusted advisors? Do we insist that we know what’s best for them, without finding out what it is that they really want and need? Does that ultimately push them away?

Are we too focused on the messages WE want to deliver, and not necessarily on the messages our clients want to receive? Are we just talking AT the client, and not engaging them in a conversation? True story: At a prior firm we were preparing for a MAJOR beauty contest so we brought in an industry leader to help prep our attorneys. For those who have done these in the past, a lot of role playing takes place in a hotel conference room, with a video camera recording it all. The video is then played back and we can all quickly see what “lessons” need to be learned. Our lead partner did a great job with his opening remarks, then sat down while the next partner stood up to give his portion of the presentation to the “clients.” Partner One, however, isn’t paying attention during his colleague’s remarks. There is no active listening taking place. He is playing with his Blackberry, looking around the room, doodling. His eyes were anywhere but focused on what was taking place in the room. And it was extremely obvious to everyone. How often are WE not guilty of this? How often are WE checking messages under the desk as if everyone else in the room cannot see what we’re doing? How often are WE looking at our computer screen when someone walks into our office to talk? How often are WE tapping away when we’re supposed to be listening on a conference call?? Notice that I keep saying WE, because I am guilty of all of these behaviors as well. But WE cannot change a behavior that we don’t notice and recognize as wrong. As the marketing professionals within our firms, or the senior partner in the practice, is it not up to us to mirror the correct behavior? Should we not be the first ones to arrive at the meeting? Should we not be the ones to actively turn our phones off and put them away? Should we not be asking questions, and then sitting back in our chairs and ACTIVELY listening to the answers? I’m a gabber by nature, and find that I have to ACTIVELY shut myself up! When you think about it, how long does it take for you to stop hearing and start listening to a conversation? What’s it going to take for you to change your behavior? Oh, as for the beauty contest … when we pointed the behavior out to the partner and showed him the video tape, he rejected it, along with our suggestions, and walked out of the room. We didn’t win the business.

Jayne Navarre once gain asked a poignant question over on the Legal Marketing Association‘s Listserv. Since it is a closed network, I thought I’d bring the question here, along with my comments, to extend the discussion to a broader group of people. In short, when it comes to a law firm’s rebranding campaign, is it the journey or the destination? Jayne uses the recent dethroning of Skadden by Baker McKenzie in the 2010 AmLaw 100 to set the stage for the discussion:

Baker McKenzie beat Skadden in gross revenues reported by the AmLaw100 results released in April. The American Lawyer reported that this was the first time since 1994. That’s a big deal, I guess. Although profits per partner were down, under the 1 mil mark–probably a bigger deal–they’re still pretty happy to be on top according to A change at the top, The American Lawyer, April 19,2010, Ben Hallman. But, none of this is as interesting to me as the brief comment by Baker Chairman, John Conroy, attributing their branding re-evaluation to some of their success. “Still, surpassing Skadden to lead The Am Law 200 is a notable accomplishment. Conroy credits his firm’s success to a “rigorous branding analysis” that led to an office-by-office and practice-by-practice review.“ (emphasis added)

When a law firm undertakes a rebranding campaign, the “results” are thought to be the new website, a new logo, some nifty new ads. But is that really the result?? Should the results focused on actually be what is learned — and internalized — by the firm, its leadership and the attorneys during the process?? I would argue that the results of a rebranding campaign are really the cultural shifts that can take place during the process? As the marketing directors in our firms, I believe that our key role in the rebranding process is to facilitate the uncovering and discovery of the firm’s true nature — which is the firm’s brand — and aid in the cultural shifts that are necessary to move the firm forward. That’s the painful part. The visuals — logo, website, stock photography, color palate, fonts, advertising, PowerPoint and newsletter templates, brochures, etc. — are simply that … the visual expression of the firm’s true brand. As a marketing director getting ready to “rebrand” the firm, I am less concerned about the visual results as I am focused on the internal cultural discoveries and discussions that the process can help bring about:

  • How can I help shift my firm from being law firm focused, to becoming more client focused?
  • How can I use the process of rebranding/strategic planning to bridge the gaps between offices, practice groups and disciplines of law?
  • What lessons can I teach to the lawyers to enhance the experience for their clients?

Any attorney who has ever worked with me knows my first command is: make certain that the client sees him/herself and their problems (along with your solutions) in your marketing materials (practice descriptions, attorney bios, client alerts, PowerPoint presentations, etc). Simply stated: Q. Will a new logo, website, letterhead, advertising campaign lead to new business and increased profitability? A. No. Q. Can the process that brought the firm to redesign thier logo, website, letterhead and advertising campaign lead to new business?? A. ABSOLUTELY!

Yeah, I said it without any fancy symbols to block the “offensiveness” of saying “it.” So, here, let me say it again, but louder: DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE. That’s my “rule #1” these days for bloggers, Tweeters, Facebookers, or anyone participating in social media and social networking. “What’s bringing on this little rant, Heather,” you might ask? Well, I naively commented on a post a bit ago, and I keep getting pinged with the comments since. They’re not nice. The author posted a piece, and some people commented, then the author got nasty with everyone who didn’t completely agree with their opinions. The author’s responses (in my opinion) are uncalled for and inapproriate. Yes, the blog/Facebook Wall “belongs” to the author, but really, who the heck has an “open house” and then yells at the people who attend. I don’t get it. We who blog should (okay, that’s a Pollyanna qualifier) want to have a conversation. A CONVERSATION. You know, I say something, you comment, I reply, other people weigh in. We agree. We don’t agree. We agree to disagree. We move on. Yet, some bloggers don’t want to converse, they want to SHOUT out their thoughts, challenge those who want to converse, then SHOUT all over them with a sense of entitlement. I think we can safely define that behavior as bullying, or, in the mood I’m currently in, acting like an ASSHOLE. Yuck. I wonder what these people are like at a cocktail party after a couple drinks. Let me explain something to you that I hope you would have learned in Kindergarten: If you don’t have something nice to say, than don’t say anything at all. Really, grown-ups, if I can call you grown-ups, the anonymity of a keyboard does not give you license to be an ASSHOLE (yeah, I said it again). So, let me give you rebel rousers on your blogs, Twitter and Facebook Walls the same spiel I give my kids when they’re acting like this:

If it’s not: 1) TRUE, 2) KIND, and 3) NECESSARY … then don’t say it.

Because when you do, you just come off looking, sounding and acting like, well, an ASSHOLE.

We all have those special milestones in our lives that allow us to touch base with who we are, where we have been, and where we are going:

  • The date (for some of us) we arrived in America to begin a new life, and all the promises the “American dream” had to offer.
  • It’s that first date, and the promise of love, passion, and perhaps “happily every after.”
  • It’s the date the Rams moved out of Los Angeles, and the pain of losing the cherished memories of going to all the games with your dad … and the anticipation that they might be coming home.
  • It’s the date your first child was born, and how you found the greatest capacity to love.
  • It’s the date that your beloved died, and the hole in your heart that will never be quite filled.
  • It’s the date that you graduated college, got the job, passed the bar, wrote the book, bought the house, sold the house and bought a boat …

And, it’s the date  The Legal Watercooler launched (May 1st, 2008) and my first post, Red-Flags and Interviews. It’s the date that I found a conversation that I never really expected. In the past two years there have been 42,732 visits to the blog, and 62,423 pages viewed. And, for this, I am incredibly humbled. So I would like to take this moment and thank you … the readers, contributors, fans and friends of The Legal Watercooler. Thanks to all of you who have bookmarked, subscribed and have added The Legal Watercooler to your feeds and blogrolls. Thank you to all of you who link, Tweet, retweet, and share individual posts on your Facebook pages. And, thank you to all of you who have contributed to the conversation here, on Twitter and Facebook. And thank you to everyone who has picked up the phone and called to carry on the conversation voice-to-voice, and face-to-face.

I don’t know what it was like growing up in your household, but in the Morse family, we all were given a role for our futures: My brother David was the genius and wiz-kid; my sister Ilene was to follow in the family’s clothing manufacturing and design business; and I was supposed to be a lawyer. However, along our paths came different people, places and things that created bumps in our roads, and changed our directions. This post is about recognizing and honoring one of my life’s hiccups. Growing up in the 70s, there was no concept of legal marketing. So, how did I grow up to be one?? Three words: Todd Sidney Slome. Todd was my college boyfriend at UC San Diego and he changed the direction of my life at the time; and he changed the direction of my life, again, four years ago. At UCSD I was a writing major, minoring in political science and Chinese studies with the goal in mind of becoming an international corporate attorney. Yeah, my dad had A LOT to do with this, lol. In my freshman year I met Todd in a writing class. We became friends, and a relationship developed which lasted 2 1/2 years. During the course of those years Todd was diagnosed manic-depressive and began what would become a life-long battle with the disease, and countless stays in mental hospitals. I, in turn, became very familiar with the ins-and-outs of a 5150 involuntary hold … all before I turned 20. My life, obviously, changed. My focus became caring for him, and less on my studies. I would have to withdraw from classes and take incompletes; and I had an incomplete lapse into a fail when I was not able to retake the class. By the time I was 21, my focus was gone, my writing took a hit, and I just gave up learning my Chinese characters. My grades upon graduation, while not horrible, kept me from being accepted at a tier-1 law school, and for what I wanted to do, a tier-2 school was not an option. So I had to find a different path. A different way. I became a grassroots organizer, and eventually a lobbyist, for a non-profit organization. I moved on to running the programing and events for a public interest forum, which led me to become the marketing director for a private club. Each position built upon the skills of the last. By the time 1997 rolled around, I was an established event planner, knew the ins-and-outs of client service, was knowledgeable in desk-top publishing, pricing and promotion. In early 1998 a friend called about a new position in the law firm in which she worked. They had just hired a director of marketing, and he was looking for an assistant manager. She thought my background and skills would be a good fit, so I packaged up my resume and sent it over, and got the job. I haven’t looked back since. Except this week. This week would have been Todd’s 46th birthday. But, you see, he died four years ago from cardiac arrest while in another hospital. He never recovered from his disease, and he is now at peace, and for that I am grateful. But his death sent another shock-wave through my life. I found myself so distraught by his death, and I couldn’t shake it. I realized that I had been going through my life, building my external success: I had a good career; I was recognized within my professional community; I was married, and had two beautiful children. But I wasn’t “living,” and I most definitely wasn’t happy. So I embarked on a spiritual journey with no idea what I would find. I quit my job at a major AmLaw 100 firm, because I was MISERABLE. I took the summer off and enjoyed being with my kids. I joined a yoga studio and was there four times a week. I began to meditate, and I found a spiritual peace. When it was time to go back to work, I knew what I wanted, and, better yet, I knew what I didn’t want. I had clarity for the first time in a long time, and I found the perfect firm for me. In the course of my new journey, I found my niche in social media, began this blog, and expanded my personal and professional relationships. I left that marriage with the dignity and grace worthy of the father of my children. And, I have found a new personal happiness and joy for my life. Not sure if you noticed, but earlier this week I got really quiet both here on the blog and on my Twitter. I shared, however, on my personal Facebook page about what I was going through. Todd’s birthday was approaching and my thoughts once again turned to him. For the bulk of these 20+ year since college, the happy times were clouded by the bittersweet, and the just tragic moments that come with loving and living with someone with a mental illness. So I wrote a list of 25 happy moments with Todd Slome, which turned into 26, and I began to smile. I have since uncovered many more happy moments. I called his mom Wednesday morning, and, for the first time since his death, I didn’t burst into sobs upon hearing her voice. We were able to share our stories, sorrows, laugh some, and shed some tears. I often rhetorically ask: if you Google yourself and there are no returns, do you exist? For Todd Slome, as of today, the only return you get when you Google his name is for his SSDI. And that’s just not right. So hopefully this post will allow his name to be indexed by Google. And when someone searches out Todd Slome’s name they will learn that he was an incredible author, a good friend, a passionate dancer, lover of films, literature and The New Yorker. He was incredibly gorgeous, and had the most beautiful green eyes. He never noticed the heads he turned. He was the oldest of three brothers, and I was the first girl he ever loved. When I think about it, Todd Slome was not a hiccup in my life, but a carefully placed touchstone. On what would have been his 46th birthday, I once again found inspiration in Todd’s voice, and gratitude for the ripple his presence has had on my life for these past 25 years.

I wrote here about where I find time to participate in social media and social networking.

By taking a Sharpie to my calendar, and deleting most of the programs taping on my DVR, I found the time to launch a blog, speak at some conferences, and participate on Facebook and Twitter to develop my personal brand. I also found time to go to the gym, read some books, and enjoy time with my family.

One thing I noticed this week is that without all the garbage clogging my DVR, I actually have some time to watch movies.

Wow!!

First thing I did was subscribe to Netflix so I can stream movies through my Wii (how cool is that??) and on my laptop when travling.

But I need to find a little more time, and Jeffrey Gitomer gave it to me this week: It’s time to get rid of other people’s drama.

The checkout aisle of the grocery store was full of magazines. People, InTouch, US Weekly, Soap, and other assorted, or should I say “sordid” publications that can be summed up in three words, other people’s drama.

They all had similar themes: who got divorced, separated, engaged, married, or jilted. What celebrity is loving the other, beating the other, making love with the other, or killing the other. I looked at all the covers, smiled, and went about my business. But it got me thinking: What else is in the category of “other people’s drama” and what is the net effect – to you?

There are an endless number of “celebrity news” programs and crime shows on TV. Drivel about who did what to who. Watch them? Why? As if this wasn’t enough, there are soap operas, where the drama never ends – for 20 years. Watch them? Why? To see how someone else’s life turns out? Why not focus on YOUR life?

Wait … what??? Skip TMZ and Perez?? But what about Sandy and the baby?? Are Angie and Brad PG again??? I don’t watch Jersey Shore, The Hills or any other MTV/VH1 programs … so why am I wasting my time glancing at what Snookie or Heidi are up to???

Come on. Other people’s drama is just filler that’s keeping me from doing what I need to do, or better yet, what I WANT to do. It’s garbage in my mind, and doesn’t add anything to the intellectual debate.

Other people’s drama is a complete and utter waste of your time, energy, and attitude. It does NOTHING to build your character, intelligence, knowledge, reputation, career, success, or wealth. Yikes!

Here are a few painful questions:
Do you spend more time on other people’s drama or your career?
Other people’s drama or your children?
Other people’s drama or building your personal brand?
Other people’s drama or your success?
Other people’s drama or your marriage? (ouch!)

So, here comes the delete button. I am deleting the garbage bookmarks from my computers. Deleting the history that allows me to quickly hop onto one of these websites. I’m sure I’ll go into withdrawals, but I can hang tough … come on, don’t we all NEED to know what Bombshell McGee thinks of Sandy’s new baby??

My friend John Byrne asked what we liked most and least about Facebook for an upcoming presentation. Having just come back from another high school get-together, where I connected with a couple of old friend I hadn’t seen in a looooong time, I was feeling pretty positive on what Facebook has done for me personally. Then I got to thinking about three scenarios playing out on my page just this week:

  • A high school friend, who is single, has reached out in his battle and fears surrounding cancer, which has also lead to financial problems as well. One little message allowed a large group to rally support. He is not alone.
  • An acquaintance recently had surgery. In the middle of the night he was able to post that he was awake in the hospital and looking for someone to talk to. He found that person. He was no longer alone.
  • A distant friend’s daughter had Cystic Fibrosis. It’s a heartbreaking story, yet heartwarming as well. Facebook has allowed this family to post their story via Claire Wineland, Love, Songs, and Updates Page. This page has turned into an incredible source of emotional and spiritual support for this family.

Now, here’s where the magical 6-degrees of separation come into play. The Wineland family needs assistance in arranging their daughter’s lung transplant. Amazingly enough, my sister-in-law is a pulmonary critical care specialist — who treats adult, though not pediatric CF patients — at the exact hospital where this little girl is fighting a good and valiant fight. I’ve put my SIL in touch with the family. Will she be able to help? I don’t know, but maybe. Why not try. For some reason we as human being seek comfort and connections with one another. Unfortunately, we don’t all have the ability to reach out and ask for help. It appears that just as we are willing to over-share our personal activities and thoughts on Facebook (whether politics, about our kids, or problems we’re having in our intimate relationships), the medium also makes it easier to share our fears, insecurities, and need for human comfort and support. So I will repeat what I have said on my Facebook page a lot this weekend: if you can breath easily, if your child is healthy, if you’re at work, if you’re enjoying life … take a moment, breath deeply, and think good thoughts and offer up prayers for Claire Wineland and her family. Oh, and “like” her page. The family is looking for “healthy, non-smoking A pos blood types who may be willing to give up a lobe.”

While getting ready for school and work this morning, my 7-year old asked me what I did at work. She knows my office is up really high in the tallest building west of the Mississippi. She knows that I have a really cool white board that she likes to draw on. She knows I work with lawyers, but that I’m not one. She’s seven and doesn’t understand terminology like “business development,” “collateral,” and “reputation management.” She knows all about the Internet; it’s where she plays with her Webkinz, watches Fred videos on YouTube (click at your own risk. Really annoying), and e-mails her friend Tamaki in Japan. However, she doesn’t understand “social media” and “social networking.” To her, Facebook is just a place where I share pictures of her sticking out her tongue. Truth be told, I had an associate ask me the same question recently: “What do you do?” So what do I do?? I’m a legal marketer, which doesn’t really convey too much. Personally, I think of my title as an an umbrella term that includes numerous job responsibilities:

  • I’m the guardian of the firm’s image. Whether graphic, website, blogs, invitations, tribute ads, behavior at external events, etc.
  • I’m responsible for “external happy.” That’s fancy speak for client relations, external events, conferences, client communications, etc. “Internal happy” belongs to HR and administration.
  • I’m chief psychiatrist. My door is always available for shutting for you to vent your frustrations, as long as you’re willing to take on some of my solutions.
  • I’m the messenger. I carry information between partners and offices … and get to act as a conduit.
  • I’m the conduit. Since I know what you’re doing, and what the partner down the hall, or across the country is doing, I can start making meaningful connections.
  • I’m the impartial party. Since I’m not affected by the compensation structure, I have no problems seeing beyond the dollar signs and billable hour requirements when it comes to new business development.
  • I’m the cheerleader. If it’s a good idea, I’ll root for it loud and strong.
  • I’m the story assignment desk. I troll the news and court verdicts for blog ideas, and assign partners to write up posts and client alerts (whether they do it or not, well, that’s another job).
  • I’m the traffic cop. Gotta make sure those deadlines are kept.
  • I’m the referee. Sometimes between staff. Sometimes between partners.
  • I’m the virus (or antidote, depending on your perspective). I slowly infect the partnership with new ideas, spreading marketing and business development ideas and concepts, which slowly change the way the attorneys approach their new business generation.
  • I’m the master-manipulator. If it’s a good idea, I’ll make sure that at some point it becomes your good idea and gets implemented.

So, what’s my job … I’m in charge of making sure “It “ gets done. “It’s” a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. And “It” changes on any given day.

Reporters read blogs and law firm client alerts. Who knew?? Actually, I did. As do most legal marketers who blog. But, most lawyers don’t believe us, so, take the word of Los Angeles Daily Journal editor David Houston:

Again, the goal is to spur deeper reporting. We should be on cusp of our beats. By the time a story appears in the Los Angeles Times, the San Francisco Chronicle or the Wall Street Journal, it is usually too late for us. Read blogs and law firm client alerts and obscure trade publications. Talk to lots of sources on the telephone and in person. Share good ideas with colleagues. This helps us use our finite resources for the collective good of the newspaper. It is the thing that helps us compete with large publications. (emphasis added)

Oh, and get to work at a decent time, lol.

I don’t think that having a personal brand is a “big lie” to quote @ScottGreenfield’s recent post, The Brand War. He was responding to this statement of mine from Earn your reputation; build your personal brand:

“Your personal brand is what you stand for. It’s based on your reputation. It’s what you’re known for in the marketplace. It’s what differentiates you from your competition. It’s what comes to mind when someone says your name.”

A brand cannot be built on fabrications. If the insides of a can of Coca-Cola are 7-Up, then it’s not a Coke, no matter what the can or bottle says. Same thing goes with an attorney. I don’t care how many directories you are listed in, how many quotes in the WSJ. I don’t care about your cover story in American Lawyer … if you cannot deliver on the promise of your reputation; if you’re a crappy attorney; if you’re really a corporate M&A attorney, but trying to “rebrand” yourself as a bankruptcy attorney in the down market, then your personal “brand” is not valid. I like this definition from Persuasive Brands:

Any brand is a set of perceptions and images that represent a company, product or service. While many people refer to a brand as a logo, tag line or audio jingle, a brand is actually much larger. A brand is the essence or promise of what will be delivered or experienced. Importantly, brands enable a buyer to easily identify the offerings of a particular company [OR LAWYER]. Brands are generally developed over time through:

  • Advertisements containing consistent messaging
  • Recommendations from friends, family members or colleagues
  • Interactions with a company and its representatives
  • Real-life experiences using a product or service (generally considered the most important element of establishing a brand)

Once developed, brands provide an umbrella under which many different products [AND SERVICES] can be offered–providing a company [OR LAWYER/LAW FIRM] tremendous economic leverage and strategic advantage in generating awareness of their offerings in the marketplace.

In other words: A lawyer’s personal brand is the assurance to the client that the legal services that they are purchasing (the “bull dog” trial lawyer, the “bet the farm” litigation team, the go-to “hotel lawyer”) are actually what, and who, they say they are. Now, how can a lawyer “build” this brand … it starts with what you already know, and then you add in what you want to be known for, and then the work that you want, and what people think and know about you, and THEN you focus your actions behind this, and this is HOW you BUILD your personal brand.

  • If you want to be know as an the “green attorney,” then don’t waste your time writing articles on constitutional nuances of the death penalty.
  • Don’t speak before bar associations if you’re clients, potential clients, referrals sources and influencers (oh, my) are all attending industry-based conferences.
  • Don’t show up in a pin-stripe suit when your clients are “dressed up” in jeans (not saying don’t dress professionally, just nix the tie and formal suit, jacket and open collar shirt are fine).
  • Your web bio, blog, events you speak at, articles you write, should all point towards the clients, and work, that you want, based on your experiences and what you already know.

You get the idea. Begin with WHO YOU ARE and WHAT YOU DO, and build from there. But how do you get “there”?? We marketers will come in and ask probing questions (here’s a decent list of 20 questions to begin with … ). We’ll read what clients say about you in response to client service interviews and conference evaluations. We will “listen” to the conversations about you that are taking place on-line … or around the water cooler. We’ll evaluate your stats to see how people are finding you on Google, or what they’re reading on your blog. We will then bring these things together to FOCUS and BUILD your brand. A brand is not an illusion, fabrication or lie. Branding is not a tag line (which are all pretty much the same and stupid). And branding is most definitely NOT a logo. Branding is, however, the “packaging” around what is already true. If you don’t like the term “branding” because that is too “marketing speak,” then don’t use the term. However, to dismiss branding as the “big lie” is to give your competition the edge.