(to fully enjoy the passage, click on the title and launch in your Facebook)
The Passover Seder, the oldest continuously observed religious ceremony in the world, tells the story of the Jews’ Exodus from Egypt. Jewish tradition says that people of each generation must imagine that they personally had departed from Egypt, and the sages say that each generation must tell the story in its own terms.
The sages probably did not intend this.
|Joseph is going to Egypt.|
Joseph and Pharaoh are now friends.
|Elijah is a bit tipsy, but off to a good start. 30,000 households down, and it’s only 6:30!|
|Pharaoh is sad to report that my father has entered immortality. I have taken his place in government and will do my best to honor his name.
|Rabbi Eleazar ben Azaryah finally figured out why we’re supposed to tell the story of the exodus at night. It’s because it says “all the days of your life!”
|Pharaoh sent The Israelites Bread of Affliction.
|25 things you didn’t know about me by God
1. Guilty pleasure: Smiting people.
2. I had another universe once, it was so much better than this one. But I got really wasted one night and lost it in a game of craps. 🙁 I’m never doing that again.
3. In my old universe, the really cool one, the dominant species was a race of hyper-intelligent beetles. It was so cool. Unfortunately, when I lost that universe I also lost the beetles-as-master-race patent, so now I have to settle for primates.
4. I picked up this universe at a 50%-off sale. I thought I was getting a bargain. But as soon as I took it out of the box at home, I figured out why: space and time are both a bit bent in places, and most of the mass is missing. I wish I had saved the receipt.
|Pharaoh has taken the Which god are you? quiz. Pharaoh is Ra, the Sun god. Ra represents light, warmth and growth.|
|The Israelites has used Yes We Conserve to pledge to Seal and caulk air outlets.
|Pharaoh has posted an Album: Construction of Pithom and Raamses.
|Elijah is feeling very harried. 3 million houses left, and it’s already 7:30!|
|Hillel sent You sandwich.|
|Youngest son Why is this night different from all other nights?
|The Israelites has written a note on God’s Wall: We’re suffering! See See Wall to Wall|
|Rabbi Yehoshua Had a few too many at dinner and spent the whole night at Akiva’s arguing about the Exodus.
|God has written a note on The Israelites’ Wall: Yeah, I see. Listen, sit tight, and I’ll think of something. See See Wall to Wall|
|Moses has taken the Which god are you? quiz. Moses is Osiris, God of the Dead. Dressed in white flannel gown, Osiris ruled over the Egyptians and taught them farming.
|God has written a note on Moses’ Wall: Moses, stop wasting time and do something about this whole slavery thing. See See Wall to Wall|
|Pharaoh has used Yes We Conserve to pledge to Use dryer less.
|Moses has written a note on God’s Wall: Er, me? See See Wall to Wall|
|God sent Moses burning bush.|
|God has written a note on Moses’ Wall: Yeah, you. See See Wall to Wall|
|Moses has written a note on Pharaoh’s Wall: Let my people go! See See Wall to Wall|
|Mark Zuckerberg You see? It’s all about the social graph. Israel talks to God talks to Moses talks to Pharaoh. There must be some way to make money off of this.
|Mark Zuckerberg is fleeing to Tarshish.|
|Pharaoh has written a note on Moses’ Wall: Up yours! See See Wall to Wall|
Mark Zuckerberg and a whale are now friends.
|Moses has used Yes We Conserve to pledge to Use trees to control sun and shade.
|Elijah is sloshed|
|God sent Pharaoh a plague: blood.
|Pharaoh has written a note on God’s Wall: Nice try. I’m not impressed. The Israelites stay. See See Wall to Wall|
|God sent Pharaoh 9 more plagues.
|Pharaoh has written a note on The Israelites’ Wall: Get out of here! See See Wall to Wall|
|Moses has written a note on The Israelites’ Wall: Quickly, people! Just grab everything and go! See See Wall to Wall
|The Israelites has posted an Album: Fleeing from the Egyptians.|
|Elijah 100 times as many houses to visit, and presents to lug around, too. How does Santa do it?
|Elijah has used Yes We Conserve to pledge to Power chariot by magic horses instead of internal combustion engine.|
|The Israelites has written a note on Moses’ Wall: Um, there’s a lot of water in front of us, and a bunch of angry Egyptians behind us. Any ideas? See See Wall to Wall|
|Moses has written a note on God’s Wall: Er, over to you. Any ideas? See See Wall to Wall|
|God has written a note on Moses’ Wall: Stretch out thy rod over the waters. See See Wall to Wall|
|Moses is crossing the Red Sea.|
|The Israelites has posted an Album: Fishes of the deep.|
|Pharaoh has written a note on The Israelites’ Wall: Now I’ve got you right where I want you!! See See Wall to Wall|
|Pharaoh is very wet|
|Elijah is just about ready to call it a night. This gets harder every year.|
Pharaoh and Satan are now friends.
|God has used Yes We Conserve to pledge to Run sun on nuclear fusion instead of natural gas.
|God sent The Israelites a Torah.
Here endeth the Seder.
This year our ceremony still contains some time for reflection, and some ability to remain on the same topic for more than a minute or two. But next year, may our ceremony be faster, divided into bite-sized chunks, and with each utterance no more than 140 characters. And so we say together,
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